so, we graduated recently. and i have been dealing with mixed emotions, and they are probably nothing new or all that interesting to anyone but myself. but i am going to talk about it anyway, because when you have a blog, you can type what you feel, the way you feel it. which in my case means all lowercase, fragments, and run on sentences.
above the diploma, the spiffy new vocab, the dance injuries, the debaucherous nights and sloth days, the brunches, a letdown of a gpa, the numerous pairs of black shoes.. four years of college have left me with an ache, a question mark, a perpetual sense that something is missing. because when people and places leave their mark on you and (hopefully) vice versa, there’s no going back. all of a sudden there are pieces of you that are in new york city and saint paul and dc, and sometimes these pieces move and find themselves in repressed lands and sin cities and small towns and mountains and landscapes that you can’t even imagine. or sometimes, you are the one who has moved and landed yourself in cities in which trains collide and bridges collapse and it feels like being in a tundra or in someone’s mouth. either way, you suck at phone calls so you stick to emailing, gchatting, tweeting, texting, and facebooking. you subscribe to their blogs on your google reader to stay up to date on their lives and thoughts.. all in the hopes that your attempts at communication can shed even a teeny tiny light on how you are feeling, which is always this, no matter where you are:
i miss you. i hope you are well. i want you to be safe, strong, and free. you are beautiful. i am proud of the things that you have done, are doing, have yet to do. thank you for stretching me across time zones and continents and bodies of water and so many borders; thank you for keeping me grounded, reminding me of the places i must return to. i love you.