a few days ago, rod beeskey, housemate and great guy in general emailed me to ask me how i was. there had been a bomb blast in karachi and he was just checking in to see if everything was okay.
beeskey, i know you read this. here is why i havnt replied yet:
01. i am scared. i am scared because the mother land appears to be dying and i have no idea what to do about it. theres nothing anyone can do about it. people are angry and they are tired and there are so many people out to get us that we dont even know who to blame when something goes wrong. and at the end of the day, there is no innocent and there is no guilty, everyones caught in this mess together. sure, that last attack didnt impact me specifically, but these things appear to be arbitrary and inevitable now. how do you tell a taliban from a regular person? how do you protect people when you dont know what exactly the bad guy looks like? and where do you lay blame, and where do you direct your sympathy?
02. i am sinking in stories of pain and despair and courage and bravery. they are unavoidable and too sincere to ignore. what happens when suffering multiplies exponentially to a point where emotions are blurred and feeling is numbed? what causes a city to bounce back after every attack? what do you do with all this information? is this resillience or resignation?
03. there are no solutions, only effort and attempt and guesses and speculation. i am so envious of the fact that you are safe and that you have the time to think over and beyond the travesties that tangle up every conversation here, every gesture, every life. i envy your freedom.
04. and irrespective, we go out. we celebrate, we laugh and we sing and we go on. i am so infinitely happy here, so catered to, so understood. how do you reconcile this? how do you reconcile things that arnt meant to go hand in hand? what happens to people when they live in fear? and what do you do, other than trying to respectful and polite and sincere?
i have too many questions to answer of my own.
i am in no position to answer yours.