currently, i am in the process of writing my end of semester internship report. when i say in the process of, i mean i have a few incomplete sentences on word, waiting to be tweaked and expanded into full paragraphs and hopefully, a whole paper. but my words are stalling me and i find myself incapable of writing about the practical anymore. i produced my thesis last night, i printed it out and formatted it and tried not to crease it when slipping it under my professors door. i produced a stack of papers that were so thick they couldn’t be stapled together, and i wrote about something that i take seriously and am emotionally vulnerable to. last night, i dreamt that the hotel i was staying in was going to be blown up by the taliban, and for some reason i knew about it. but i didnt leave the hotel, i just stayed there, waiting for it to happen. when i woke up at noon, i tried my best to re-fall asleep, just so that i could complete the narrative, but the house was bustling with activity and my comforter wasnt keeping me as warm as i needed it to. my dreams have been wrapped up in fear all fucking semester.
this should be easy. this is four pages compared to fourty. this is a simple evaluation of what happened at work.
this is what i would say, if i could say it, if this is what i wanted my professor to read:
01. this internship was a test run of sorts, to see if i could potentially join the american work force, and be just one more person who commutes to work and buys starbucks coffees and stick to a nine to five routine. the day before i started, i made monigstan come with me for the drive to and back from minneapolis, just so that i could be sure i knew where i was going. we got lost on our drive back, which made me nervous. the next day, i stuck post its all over my car with directions to work. i forgot to do the same for directions back from work. but i didnt get lost on the way back, and in fact, i never got lost ever again.
02. i fell in love with highways and speed and commutes. and america, but that deserves a blog post of its own.
03. i was hit on by two men, repeatedly, to a point where i began resenting my internship and started counting down the days before my last day. when i told people about it, some of them laughed, because i am awkward and stuff like this just makes me more awkward (i think i was supposed to be flattered. i was not flattered. i was probably the exact opposite). some people were appalled and demanded i report them. i didnt report them. i only kind of regret it now.
04. there was a guy who let me park for half price because he felt bad for my struggling college existence. thank you sir, and i appreciate the fact that your small talk actually seemed genuine.
i have run out of patience
i have run out of words too.