note: sorry this post is filled with a million mixed metaphors and run-on sentences. i’m having one of those days.
homesickness is something i compost. like when the trash gets too high and i am too lazy to take it out so i place a paper towel on top and stomp down so that i can get a few more days of trash accumulation before i have to face facts. and the more there is the harder i fight and push it down until it’s a dense little nugget sitting at the pit of my stomach, not so much weighing me down as it is anchoring me, keeping me grounded.
yesterday was my mother’s birthday.
lately my parents have taken to answering the phone on speaker, i have no idea why. so i called home last night to wish my mother a happy birthday and in the background i heard my dad, my sister, my cousins, and my uncle, the few extended family members that i actually know–diaspora turns huge land masses into scattered tiny islands–and it was like that moment when you’ve packed it all down too much and the nugget turns into a coiled spring that after months of resistance has finally been released, and now
i’m vomiting all over the page with my homesickness.