up in arms all night.

“we do not have bodies, we are our bodies.” — trinh t. minh-ha.

i saw a performance the other night where bodies moved across a stage and felt mostly nothing. but it got my thinking about my body (most things do) though that seems to be all i do regarding my body — think about it. after that performance i went to a party where i sat on the couch and felt mostly anxiety. i hardly ever know what to do with my body besides think about it.

but my body exists twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, whether i think about it or not, and everything i experience is felt viscerally on/through my body.

——

for the past few years i’ve been reading rhetoric about the body and intersections of identity, talking to people about how we experience our bodies (or not), and sometimes performing in various stages of undress to maybe get others thinking about their bodies. and when i say body/ies, i mean to include all of its attendant trappings of identity, though i do not mean to say that it, body/ies, is/are solely a sum of those parts.

my thoughts and feelings about and of my body are perpetually in flux, crisis.

——

in creative nonfiction the other day, my professor challenge us students, as he does every class, to really get at the heart of what we are writing, to be in the emotional core of it. what is our situation? what is our problem? we are all writing about our individual obsessions, and mine is about vietnamese women. i have print-outs of them on my wall, their faces and words in my art, their books on my shelf, their legacies in my bones. post-modern proximations.

it is my personal, political, artistic, theoretical project to bring them all together on the same page and see what conspires. think of the conversations they have together, the troubles they cause, the desires they stir. my own utopia’s seating chart. because i yearn for intimacy, and i do believe in relationships, and i want to tear down the false borders that keep us apart, and though i do not necessarily believe that we need to be best friends forever ever, i would like to imagine a possibility of us lying in the grass and letting our bodies be in the company of each other’s warmth. just once, in my mind, on my wall, maybe my facebook wall.

——

what i am trying to say is that i love women, and that i love this blog, and that i especially the women on this blog. YES.

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